Farmers’ Market Recipes: Carmelized Onions

Carmelized onions in about half the time!

Farmers’ Market Recipe: Roasted Red Onions

I love me some onions.

That is  all.  🙂

Shopping at the Farmers’ Market – week 3

New post up over here!

Farmers’ Market Post: Avocado Soup

A new post up at “Eating from the Farmers’ Market!”  Go check it out!  🙂

More Farmers’ Market Goodness!

Over here!  🙂  I’m eating fish stew tonight!

Eating from the Farmers’ Market: Kale Gratin

Go here!  🙂

First Official Farmers’ Market Post!

And I’m off to the races!!  🙂

Eating from the Farmers’ Market – Inaugural Post

Happy Friday!

I seem to be walking a VERY fine line between sick and well.  I called in sick on Thursday, and don’t know if I’m going in today.  Yesterday I went back to bed and slept until about 9:30, then got up, checked my work email, did some work and went back to bed from 11:30 until almost 2:00.  And then I went to bed (lights out) at 7:30.  I was running a low fever when I woke up, although I didn’t have any other symptoms, so I think it’s due more to stress and exhaustion than the flu or some other virus.

Still, it’s a very clear warning from my body: get some rest or we will KNOCK YOU OUT.  Message received.

The other day I wrote about things knocking around in my brain.  See, the thing is, I don’t really know what I want to write about.  Most days I don’t have super-disordered thoughts anymore (although there are certainly the bad days), and that was what I started this blog to deal with.  The fact that I don’t have them most of the time anymore is a measure of success, don’t get me wrong; I’m not sorry they’re mostly gone.  But now I’m not sure what comes next. 

I’ve been working on losing weight and maintaining a healthy attitude about it – that seems to be a touch-and-go endeavor.  But I’m not sure I want this to be a “diet blog,” per se.  I enjoy reading them, but I also know that when I focus too much on it, I get a little nuts – which sort of defeats the purpose of the whole, “healthy attitude” part!  I thought about writing a diet/crazy blog – that is, a blog about the external aspect of dieting combined with the internal effort to keep a leash on The Crazy, but I’m not sure about that, either (though it seems like the most likely possibility).  I don’t really want to write a completely unfocused, general-life blog (though lately it’s been that more than anything!), mostly because I don’t really like READING those.  I like reading things that are more focused, even when that focus is loose. 

Soooooo . . . I’m still thinking.  Although now that I’ve written all that, I’m kind of leaning toward the whole diet/crazy tack.

Any ideas?  Is there a subject listed above or similar to it you’d rather read about?  Opinions?  All that jazz?

I’m Not Dead, and I Know I Haven’t Been Posting a Lot . . .

I’m trying to figure out what I want to say.  I feel like I’m sort of at the end of one period in my life, and starting a new one.  And that new period I didn’t really expect (deep down) to have to go through: I thought I’d just quickly (and magically?) jump from dealing with disordered eating to losing weight sensibly (and speedily, although I know those things aren’t really compatible).  But it is becoming obvious that this will take some time.  More time, certainly, than I wanted to give it. 

So I’m trying to figure out how to wear this new part of my life.  It isn’t that I don’t have anything to say; it’s rather that I don’t know what it is that I WANT to say.  There’s stuff knocking around in my brain, but it won’t quite come out into the light. 

So I’m waiting.

Old Friend, Here We Are . . .

Um.  Or not.  Here, I mean.  Well, YOU are.  But clearly *I* have NOT been. 

Last week was a little nuts.  Let’s just say it was not the best week in terms of food, although I did ok with the exercise.  But by the end of the week, I was kind of a wreck on all fronts.  I’ve spent the last couple of days feeling yucky (physically, with a side of emotionally – but mostly physically, which I figure is progress). 

Last week Roni linked to a series of articles on emotional eating:
Emotional Eating: All Diets Are From Hell
Weight Management Myths
Why We Think Thin and Eat Fat
Core Value Eating

From the last article:
If you believe it is hard to maintain healthy weight because you lack something, like discipline, will power, or just common sense, your weight management efforts will rise from shame of who you are, rather than value of your health and well being. When the shame becomes exhausting, distracting, confusing, or overwhelming, as it always does, the brain reverts to habits, which require far less mental energy. That means more overeating and attacks on food.

. . .

The trick is to condition the core hurt (inadequacy or unworthiness that makes you want to overeat) to stimulate core value – a sense of yourself as a healthy and well creator of value.

(Bolding mine.)  The bit about body shame becoming overwhelming and exhausting TOTALLY turned on the proverbial lightbulb.  I eat when I’m exhausted and overwhelmed, but it’s not a lack-of-sleep exhaustion.  It’s an emotional exhaustion, and more days than not I can’t pin down a cause.  But if I think about it, those are the days when I have the hardest time with my weight – and then I come home and think, “Fuck it.  I will always be fat, FUCK IT.”  And I binge.  Shame-induced exhaustion.  Verrrrrrrryyyy interestink.  😉

In other news, I am still wiped out.  Do you ever just feel so overwhelmed and exhausted that you aren’t capable of much more than standing still and staring at the wall?  I’m kind of there.  The house is still at a standstill as far as progress goes, so there’s random crap everywhere.  I did buy some new things and Mom was actually here this weekend, so she ended up building my IKEA bathroom cabinet for me.  🙂  We made some progress today, which was encouraging. 

But now I’m off to bed.  (At 8:00 p.m.)  I’m exhausted, so mostly I’m trying to catch up on my sleep right now.  I haven’t been to the gym yet this week, though.  *rolls eyes*  I’m hoping that if I get enough sleep and watch my diet, I won’t blow last week’s progress. 

‘Night!