Old Friend, Here We Are . . .

Um.  Or not.  Here, I mean.  Well, YOU are.  But clearly *I* have NOT been. 

Last week was a little nuts.  Let’s just say it was not the best week in terms of food, although I did ok with the exercise.  But by the end of the week, I was kind of a wreck on all fronts.  I’ve spent the last couple of days feeling yucky (physically, with a side of emotionally – but mostly physically, which I figure is progress). 

Last week Roni linked to a series of articles on emotional eating:
Emotional Eating: All Diets Are From Hell
Weight Management Myths
Why We Think Thin and Eat Fat
Core Value Eating

From the last article:
If you believe it is hard to maintain healthy weight because you lack something, like discipline, will power, or just common sense, your weight management efforts will rise from shame of who you are, rather than value of your health and well being. When the shame becomes exhausting, distracting, confusing, or overwhelming, as it always does, the brain reverts to habits, which require far less mental energy. That means more overeating and attacks on food.

. . .

The trick is to condition the core hurt (inadequacy or unworthiness that makes you want to overeat) to stimulate core value – a sense of yourself as a healthy and well creator of value.

(Bolding mine.)  The bit about body shame becoming overwhelming and exhausting TOTALLY turned on the proverbial lightbulb.  I eat when I’m exhausted and overwhelmed, but it’s not a lack-of-sleep exhaustion.  It’s an emotional exhaustion, and more days than not I can’t pin down a cause.  But if I think about it, those are the days when I have the hardest time with my weight – and then I come home and think, “Fuck it.  I will always be fat, FUCK IT.”  And I binge.  Shame-induced exhaustion.  Verrrrrrrryyyy interestink.  😉

In other news, I am still wiped out.  Do you ever just feel so overwhelmed and exhausted that you aren’t capable of much more than standing still and staring at the wall?  I’m kind of there.  The house is still at a standstill as far as progress goes, so there’s random crap everywhere.  I did buy some new things and Mom was actually here this weekend, so she ended up building my IKEA bathroom cabinet for me.  🙂  We made some progress today, which was encouraging. 

But now I’m off to bed.  (At 8:00 p.m.)  I’m exhausted, so mostly I’m trying to catch up on my sleep right now.  I haven’t been to the gym yet this week, though.  *rolls eyes*  I’m hoping that if I get enough sleep and watch my diet, I won’t blow last week’s progress. 



5 responses to “Old Friend, Here We Are . . .

  1. many thoughts.
    love roni.
    am always moved by her honesty as well.

    beyond impressed at yer mama. I can not build ANYTHING which comes from IKEA. I always walk the aisles and grow excited and leave with nothing knowing full well when I get it all home and BUILD it appears as a tilted lopsided version of my mental image.


  2. Shame really is a no-win game here. It can do no good. When I’m frustrated and tired and can’t force myself to the gym, I go for a walk. It’s just distracting enough to settle me. Moving sucks.

  3. Great insights about shame and emotional eating!

    And I totally agree that SLEEP comes first over anything else in terms of core needs.

    Well, I suppose air; breathing is pretty essential too. But if you’ve got oxygen, then yeah, sleep is next on the list of things to make sure you get enough of!

  4. checking on you.
    were you able to get any rest?
    feeling any better at all?

    you know where I am if you want thoughts insights or merely to b*tch my way.


    The Woman Who Was Brought Down By A Bookshelf From IKEA

  5. LOL, Miz. My mom can build anything. Contrary to the stereotypes, my mom is WAY handier than my dad, much to his chagrin! I can build IKEA, because the pictures make sense to me, but other things . . . not so much.

    And yeah, I’m feeling a little better. Mostly tired and rundown, emotionally speaking. I’ve been out sick from work the last couple of days, sleeping a lot. I think I might have been fighting a virus, actually.

    Julie, that makes sense. I have to admit that I don’t think I’d want to walk around my neighborhood – it’s too urban – but I could do yoga. I might give that a shot. Thanks!

    *giggle* Crabby, I COMPLETELY agree about oxygen. Hard to do much (including sleep) without it! 😉

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