Um. Or not. Here, I mean. Well, YOU are. But clearly *I* have NOT been.
Last week was a little nuts. Let’s just say it was not the best week in terms of food, although I did ok with the exercise. But by the end of the week, I was kind of a wreck on all fronts. I’ve spent the last couple of days feeling yucky (physically, with a side of emotionally – but mostly physically, which I figure is progress).
From the last article:
If you believe it is hard to maintain healthy weight because you lack something, like discipline, will power, or just common sense, your weight management efforts will rise from shame of who you are, rather than value of your health and well being. When the shame becomes exhausting, distracting, confusing, or overwhelming, as it always does, the brain reverts to habits, which require far less mental energy. That means more overeating and attacks on food.
. . .
The trick is to condition the core hurt (inadequacy or unworthiness that makes you want to overeat) to stimulate core value – a sense of yourself as a healthy and well creator of value.
(Bolding mine.) The bit about body shame becoming overwhelming and exhausting TOTALLY turned on the proverbial lightbulb. I eat when I’m exhausted and overwhelmed, but it’s not a lack-of-sleep exhaustion. It’s an emotional exhaustion, and more days than not I can’t pin down a cause. But if I think about it, those are the days when I have the hardest time with my weight – and then I come home and think, “Fuck it. I will always be fat, FUCK IT.” And I binge. Shame-induced exhaustion. Verrrrrrrryyyy interestink. 😉
In other news, I am still wiped out. Do you ever just feel so overwhelmed and exhausted that you aren’t capable of much more than standing still and staring at the wall? I’m kind of there. The house is still at a standstill as far as progress goes, so there’s random crap everywhere. I did buy some new things and Mom was actually here this weekend, so she ended up building my IKEA bathroom cabinet for me. 🙂 We made some progress today, which was encouraging.
But now I’m off to bed. (At 8:00 p.m.) I’m exhausted, so mostly I’m trying to catch up on my sleep right now. I haven’t been to the gym yet this week, though. *rolls eyes* I’m hoping that if I get enough sleep and watch my diet, I won’t blow last week’s progress.