PMS is Not My Friend (Not even a little bit.)

Dude.  Seriously.

Let me say that again, with fully Valley Girl inflections:
Duuuuude.  SEEERiously.
(What?  I grew up in LA, I’M ALLOWED!  DON’T JUDGE ME!!!)
*runs weeping from room*

Oh.  I’m back now.  Sorry.  Just a little hormonal there.  Which is weird, because I?  Am not usually a hormonal PMS-er.  I sometimes have bad cramps, but usually not too much with the crankiness, the cravings, etc.  A LITTLE bit, but not like this.

Not like the “Death Monster of PMS, God Help You, You Talk to Me I’ll Kill You and Don’t Just Stand There Looking at Me, Make Yourself Useful and Hand Over Those Chips RIGHT NOW, ALL OF THEM, Don’t Think You Can Hide the Extras Because YOU CAN’T.”

Not usually like that.

I think if I salted my arm I would eat it right now.  Seriously, I ate a frozen dinner last night AND SALTED IT.  Gross, right?  NASTY.  I mean, it’s not like they’re salt-free fozen dinners!  But man, it tasted SO GOOD.  That’s how I know I’m PMS-ing like crazy. 

Which makes it a TEENY bit hard to stay on my diet.  I just want to eat chips and cake right now, screw nutrition.  And I KNOW that it will just make me feel worse to eat that way: I’ll want MORE salt and MORE sugar and the sugar hangover will kick in, and I’ll make myself sick, but right now I ALMOST DON’T CARE.  (I think that’s proof that God has a sense of humour, right there: the craving for sugar, knowing that you’ll feel worse afterward, and then crave EVEN MORE.  God’s a sadistic jerk sometimes.)

Man, I already ate a fun-size Snickers, and it’s only 11:15 am!

*SIGH*  This is one of those days where I have to stay REALLY conscious of what I’m eating.  I have the “food is not a moral substance” conversation almost hourly: “You can eat that fun-size Snickers if you want it.  It won’t make you a bad person.  But you can also choose not to eat it, and THAT won’t make you a good or bad person, either.  Would you rather have the Snickers now and be more careful the rest of the day?  Or would you rather save it?  Or would you rather throw caution to the wind, eat crap all week, and not see the scale move?  Those are ALL valid choices.  But MAKE a choice; don’t let your subconscious make the choice FOR you.”

Every hour.  Sometimes every 30 minutes or so.  An hour ago I WANTED SOME CHOCOLATE, DAMMIT.  So I ate the Snickers bar.  I’m better now, but I’m still having that conversation.

And the migraine doesn’t help.  I didn’t go to the gym this morning because when my alarm went off, I thought I’d been stabbed in the left eyeball with an icepick.  I was hoping I could sleep off the migraine, and for a while it worked.   But it’s back now, and it SUCKS.  And I have too much to do to go home early, and I didn’t go to the gym, so I’m a Bad Person, andandand . . .

Sorry.  I’m kind of a downer today, and normally I wouldn’t post, but I’m trying really hard to start posting 5 days a week.  So today, this is all I’ve got. 

 

IN OTHER NEWS (because I’m starting to depress MYSELF, for god’s sake):
There will be a cookbook blog coming soon, I swear.  It should be up and running early next week, and I’ll cross-post the first post here.  I’ll also put notifications up here when new recipes go up (though I won’t cross-post after that first one), because that will probably happen once or twice a week to begin with.

Also, does anyone have any recommendations on where I should start if I want to learn to write computer coding?  Mom and I are thinking about launching a cooking website (not just a blog) instead of actually writing a book.  Our idea is to develop a comprehensive website a la the dating site Plenty of Fish, which runs on free software, and the guy is making literally millions of dollars off AdSense.  (Yeah, I know the odds are against it, but SCREW THE ODDS.  Seriously.  Might as well give it a shot, you know?)

So if anyone has an idea of where to start (eventually I’ll take classes, but I’m thinking a book to get familiar with the idea?), that would be great.  Also, if you have features you’d like to see on the new cooking site, feel free to send them to me.  I’d be interested to hear what would interest YOU.  (Actually, I’ll probably pin a new post at the top of the blog, asking for input, so if you want to wait for that, that’s cool, too.)

Everybody have a Happy Monday!  (I think I only have 3 more days of the PMS from Hell.  What?  TMI?  Probably.  OH, WELL.)