I have been in a funk for a couple of days. A funk basically brought on by stress: my apt. had roaches, I’m not sleeping well (because of nightmares about roaches), I’m looking for a condo to buy, I’m stressing over the MONEY involved in buying a condo, I’m looking at going to law school (not paralegal school after all), which means I’m also looking at the COST of law school and OH YEAH, my grandpa is probably dying.
There is a metric fuckton of stuff going on right now. Most of it can wait. Grandpa obviously can’t. So he’s at the top of the list right now. My cell phone is ALWAYS on and my phone calls home to Mom are more to find out what’s going on with the hospital than fun calls just to talk. But he’s definitely coming down the home stretch: I’m guessing he has a month or so, no more. Then again, I’ve been wrong before – sometimes he spontaneously rallies. But he has COPD/emphysema, and they just found out that he’s also in congestive heart failure and renal (kidney) failure. The odds are not in his favor.
After Grandpa comes house-hunting and number-crunching. I want OUT of my apartment, and I want out NOW, but at the same time I know better than to take the first thing I look at. So I have the stress of wanting out combined with the stress of looking almost frantically.
Also law school. At night. Monday-Thursday, after work for the next 4 years. Well, starting in Fall ’10, since I’ve already missed this year’s deadlines. So I have some grace period in there – except not really. Because between now and then there’s taking the LSAT, applying, writing essays, soliciting letters of rec, applying for financial aid (both through the school and through Disney), etc. Lots of stuff.
And in the middle of all this, I’m coming apart. That’s not a bad thing; my swings from “totally motivated and happy” to “life sucks, shoot me now” are becoming faster and faster, which has always meant in MY life that I’m about to find a happy medium. But the swings suck in the meantime. Kraft Dinner and a bottle of wine and missing workouts do NOT lead to a good place, ok?
So here’s my question:
What do you do for stress relief? When you have 10 or 20 minutes, and a lot of stuff to get done, when there’s no parking at your gym after 5:00 (no, really – NO parking), when you have 2 hours of work to do AFTER work hours are over and the chocolate/wine/shopping mall is calling your name? What do you do when you can’t slow down enough to meditate? I’m asking honestly because I need some suggestions. I have to figure out how to handle my shit in ways other than Kraft Dinner, a bottle of wine and staying up reading until midnight (which tires me out the next day, which makes me more prone to stress, which just PERPETUATES THE FUCKING CYCLE).