Not Dead Yet

You know how sometimes you read/hear/whatever a few things, and it sort of snowballs on itself, unlocking doors in your psyche that keep leading to more doors and more doors until you think you’ve thought yourself to death?  Sort of like one “A-ha!” moment multiplied a million times over, each one leading into another one?

No?  Ooooooookay, then. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the all-or-nothing mentality and the effort of being perfect (see my last post).  And I think that maybe the secret for me is to allow that all-or-nothing mentality a little room.  But not the whole house.  So to speak.

In other words, I’m thinking that right now, while I’m not taking Tae Kwon Do, that it might be a good idea to go to the gym every day.  And plan on reevaluating that when I go back to TKD.  (Because TKD classes are Monday and Wednesday nights, which means I’m not in bed until later, which in turn means that getting up at four to go to the gym?  NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.)  My personal challenge in that then, is not stopping altogether when I miss a day.  And in not going more than once a day.  Ahem.  (Actually, my gym has HIDEOUS parking problems, so the odds of me going before work are good, but after work, in the traffic?  Not so much.)

I’ve also been thinking about Charlotte’s comment in my last post.  Specifically, the bit about tiny changes that make a big difference.  Full disclosure: I HATE TINY CHANGES.  Hate them.  With the fiery passion of a thousand suns.  That’s a lot of suns, people.  And a lot of fire.  I’m just sayin’.  THAT’S how much I hate tiny changes.  Why?  Because they take TOO LONG.  I want results NOW: damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!


Clearly that’s worked out well for me so far.  Since I have like, NO ISSUES with food or anything.  *rolls eyes*

So maybe, just MAYBE, I  should think seriously about these tiny changes.  I’ve been getting enough sleep for the first time probably EVER IN MY LIFE, and that’s a relatively tiny change, but it’s made a HUGE difference.  I actually have energy to get through the day.  Who knew?  And I was afraid that I’d need 9 or 10 hours a night, and have no time to myself, but as it turns out, when I get enough sleep, I only need 7.5-8 hours a night.  TOTALLY do-able.  If I get up at 4:30, I don’t have to go to bed until 9:00pm.  (Yeah, I know that seems early to some people.  I know I don’t have kids, and am not married and should therefore be out partying till the wee hours.  Whatever.  I’m a morning person, anyway.  Always have been.)


Tiny changes. 

  • I’m going to keep getting 7.5-8 hours of sleep a night.
  • I’m going to restart/go back to keep meditating for 10 minutes a day.  (Seriously, I can do ANYTHING for 10 minutes, right?)
  • I’m going to go to the gym every day, M-F, until I go back to TKD.  Then I’ll reevaluate.  (Except tomorrow and Tuesday.  I have to get my hair done and the color needs 48 hours of no showering to set properly.  PRIORITIES, people.)
  • I’m going to work on losing another 10 pounds.  I’m not sure how I feel about that, but I’m going to.  We’ll see what mental and emotional shit THAT brings up.
  • I’m going to go back to church at least once a month.  I haven’t been going at all, and when I *do* go I go EVERY SUNDAY WITHOUT FAIL – for about 3 weeks.  Then I beat myself up and don’t go at all.  So.  Once a month.
  • I’m going to go back to seeing a movie on the weekend mornings once a month, too.  I used to do that every Saturday and I LOVED it.  I’ve gotten out of the habit though, and I miss it.  Other things come up on Saturdays, but once a month should be do-able, right?
  • I will print this list out, because otherwise I WILL TOTALLY FORGET ALL THIS STUFF in like, 2 days.  Attention span of a goldfish, that’s me. 

Anyway.  I guess I’m listing all that out here, because I need someone to tell me if it seems reasonable.  *I* think it does, but I know that what seems reasonable to me isn’t in fact, always reasonable. 

Thoughts?  Opinions?  Advice (not even unsolicited, since I’m asking for it)?  Lay it on me, people.


Off-topic: I stalled out reading the Metabolic Typing Diet.  I fully plan on finishing it SOON though, and will reveiew it.  It’s been an . . . *interesting* book.  In a good way.


8 responses to “Not Dead Yet

  1. (I want a review on the metabolic diet book)

    my gut reaction? ADORE the list. especially the movie one…the refinding you passion and getting back to things which bring you joy.

    Id say, when you print, LOSE THE WEIGHT ONE AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

    I think with the spiritual component and the joy piece you will lose weight with out focusing on it specifically.

    be lighter literally and emotionally.

  2. My whole life is little changes. At least as far as weight loss and nutrition and exercise goes. Occasionally there’ll be something that needs to change that there is no middle ground (cigarettes), and that’ll require cold turkey, misery, white-knuckle lifestyle. Even coffee, I had to go from two to 1.5 cups/day to 1 cup, to a little bit, then to tea. And then right back to coffee, sigh.

  3. I love love love your list, Marste! So many things on your list are on mine too. And truly, I had no idea about the “tiny changes”! But now that I think about it, I’m the same way too. I’d rather make huge sweeping changes then eke away at the same small problem. Of course the latter is much more maintainable. For me it’s looking at those 10 lbs and saying “If I go full ED crazy, I can lose them in 2 weeks!!!” or thinking calmly “I will not revert to my ED. I will work on making better food choices while still nourishing my body.”

    I think this highlights one of the things they never tell you when you have an ED. They are so focused on getting you to gain weight that they never tell you what to do if there ever comes a time you need to lose it… sigh.

  4. That sounds perfectly, wonderfully reasonable. Actually it seems we think alike – I also have been considering going to church again (once a month!), plus taking time to meditate.
    Keep us updated!

  5. you’re funny. good luck with your list! i need to get back to list-making. i’m always so much more productive when i do …

  6. Miz, I actually really like the book. More on that later. 😉 I’m not sure I can ditch the weight thing right now, though. As odd as it sounds, I’m under so much stress that it gives me some sort of structure to my day. I know that’s jacked in the head, and I’m keeping a tight leash on my neuroses, but I don’t think I can let it go altogether right now.

    Julie, I hear you on the coffee! I did finally switch to decaf, only because a) it was really inconvenient to get headaches if I didn’t have time for coffee, and b) because if I needed the caffeine, I didn’t want to have to drink 6 cups to get the hit! LOL!

    For me it’s looking at those 10 lbs and saying “If I go full ED crazy, I can lose them in 2 weeks!!!”
    *Cracks up* Charlotte, have you been living in my head lately?? It’s been a hang-on-by-my-fingernails couple of weeks with that voice . . . *sigh*

    Thanks, Missicat. I’m glad no one else seems to think I’ve gone off the deep end. (Though I made a serious choice to keep the list short!)

    T, I hear ya. I’ve got a few lists going right now, for exactly that reason.

  7. Loved your blog! I like your outlook. We all struggle with staying focused. Your writings reminded me of a few things I need to work on myself. Lol. I’m a certified metabolic typing adviser. Metabolic Typing is an amazing science and has helped many of my clients to lose weight, feel better, and have more energy. I’m also a personal trainer and Chek practitioner. If you need any help on your road, please feel free to email me at
    Good Luck!!!

  8. Tha’ts a lot of A-ha moments. My head hurts for you. 😉

    I have an addition; your 75% thing. Because I know if this were ME (it’s all about me! We’re both aware of that, right? Riiiiiight. :D) I’d totally miss a day or two of exercising and then get crazy. Though that’s mostly because–dude. 4 a.m.? There is something WRONG with you. *grins* But it might also help with that all or nothing thing!

    Besides, I liked that rule. I’m still trying to remember to apply it to myself… (all. About. Me. :D)



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