Sorry for the lack of posts this week.  (Although last week I came pretty damn close to posting every day – I think I missed Monday, but otherwise, yay! for meeting goals!)

I’ve just been feeling sort of down.  Not sad, exactly, and not anxious.  Just . . . heavy in my soul.  And tired this week, SO tired.  I go to bed at 9:00 or 9:30 and wake up at 4:00, 4:30, 5:15, 5:35, 6:15, and then my alarm goes off at 6:30.  At first I thought I was getting enough sleep, so I started going to bed an hour later, figuring I’d wake up around 5:00.

BAD idea.  I was too tired to think for about 2 days.  Same number of hours, but my natural body rhythm is to go to bed early and get up early.  Trying to go to bed later feels like less sleep, even when it’s the same number of hours.  Weird, but there it is.

I don’t know if it’s the weather, the sleep, or the realization that there are no more work holidays until MAY.  MAY, for God’s sake.  LOL.  I do remember having a hard time every year around this time when I was in school, though.  The holidays are over, and spring isn’t here.  There’s just the cold grey sky of winter.

The funny thing is, I LIKE that cold grey sky.  But it does seem sort of never-ending sometimes.  Not in a time sense (let’s not forget I live in California, where even in winter, blue skies outnumber grey).  But more in a SPATIAL sense.  Like if I got in my car and drove for hours, there would still be that same grey sky, like the inside of a mixing bowl tipped over me.

I asked my holistic doctor about this at one point.  It’s nights like this that I tend to binge or drink too much.  Anything to get away from this heavy, melancholy feeling.  She actually gave me some supplements that I take twice a day, and they really do help a lot.  But even with the mitigating effect of the supplements, I tend to feel down this time of year.

AND I think it doesn’t help that I forgot to meditate at ALL last week.  When I meditate, even just for 10 minutes at a time, it makes a HUGE difference in my outlook.  So I’ll be going back to that tonight, and hope it helps.

But in the interim . . . there’s just a curious sort of weight to everything.  Everything feels heavy and melancholy.



6 responses to “Melancholy

  1. I can relate to this feeling – it also strikes me every year at this time. This year, for some reason, it struck earlier and is lasting longer. I started feeling weighted down before Christmas and it hasn’t really lifted.
    I hope spring arrives soon, and that it helps both of us! I love the analogy of having a mixing bowl tipped over on top of you – that is exactly how it feels! Slightly oppressive and confining.

  2. Sending some positive thoughts and electronic hugs your way. Wish I had something more constructive to offer, things will pick up again. Be kind to yourself Marste

    Lola x

  3. I hate that feeling. I used to get it a lot when I lived in Seattle. That is one of the reasons I LOVE NM. Spring is here already, it has been in the upper 60’s to 70’s for the past week. We’ll still get an end of march, early april frost/cold snap/maybe even snow, but for now, it is spring.
    Sorry, that sounds like I’m rubbing it in and I didn’t mean it too….
    Hugs, things will look up soon.

  4. I feel you on the gray skies forever. It’s briefly sunny here at the moment, probably rain again soon. And the next few days, though I’m hoping for a break on Saturday. I think the lack of sunny days makes a difference, a lot of folks I know here in my lovely cold gray city are in poopy “listless” (my new word) moods. I wonder if it’s a Vitamin D thing? Maybe I should go for a walk while the sun is out, but I’m too busy/lazy at work, and have two hours of gym tonight.

  5. oh, I know this feeling. it’s hard. i’m thinking of you. it will pass.

    (I promise.)


  6. BL, I’m sorry you feel this way, too. It sucks.

    Thanks, Lola. I appreciate the thoughts. 🙂

    LOL, Sassy! That’s what I mean, though: Southern California still has mostly its share of sunny days. Although LA is close enough to the coast that it does tend to stay gloomy in the mornings well into summer. *DRAMATIC SIGH* 😉

    Julie, I’ve wondered about the Vitamin D thing, too. But I think I read that we get enough in other fortified foods like milk. (Then again, I don’t drink milk, so maybe it IS Vit. D.)

    Thanks, Sarah. It will, it’s just hard to remember that sometimes, you know?

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