So, I’ve been following Charlotte’s Experiment for the month, and I’ve been meditating. Well. Since last week, anyway. In my last post, I mentioned that I had sort of hit a wall, a wall that seemed to be more about my emotional state than about any physical plateau, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it. But like I said, I always give the question, “What was going on in my life when I was last at this weight?” some thought, because about half the time I find that I’m still holding on to old stuff. (Not often enough for it to be a fool-proof solution, but often enough that it’s always worth thinking about.) And that led me to remember some stuff, which led me to wondering how to tell the difference between reopening old wounds and dealing with stuff I had just been hiding from.
I read somewhere that you can release old emotional crap, EVEN IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT CRAP IS. You do it just by affirming that you release EVERYTHING.
So I’ve been meditating. I had a fabulous meditation teacher at one point, and one of her favorites was the “breathe in for 3 counts, lightly hold for 3 counts, breathe out for 3 counts” method. So I’d been doing that, but it was haaaaarrrrrd. So I replaced the 3 counts with 3 affirmations:
Breathing in: I forgive.
Lightly holding: I am grateful.
Breathing out: I let go.
I forgive this (person, place, thing) for (x).
I am grateful for the lessons I learned.
I let go of any negativity associated with this (person, place, thing).
And whatever situations, people, places or things float to my mind, I apply those words to it/him/her.
The first day was HARD. REALLY hard. I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t sit still, blah, blah, blah. The second day was hard for a different reason: I found myself crying. I was crying even before I knew what I was crying about. But afterward, I felt better. The third day, that wall I had hit just . . . started to evaporate. Suddenly mac’n’cheese didn’t sound so good. It just didn’t. I preferred to have some vegetables and some meat. I wanted to do a half hour of weights in the evening, which became almost an hour. I WANTED to.
Interesting stuff. And on top of that, I got some really good suggestions in the comments. Julie suggested that I do some yoga (which is also good, because my experience with yoga is that it calms my mind almost as much as meditation), and that I eat what I wanted to, but eat something healthier first. Both of which seemed TOTALLY do-able. Both Julie and Lola reminded me to check my eating, and make sure I’m not restricting too much or placing too much pressure on the Importance of my Diet. (I’m not restricting too much, but I’m DEFINITELY placing too much importance on it.) And TA (remember her? I MISS HER!) offered privately that maybe if I had negative associations with certain weights, maybe I should work on developing POSITIVE associations with them now (it seemed so obvious when she said it, but I’d never thought about it before).
So I’m still meditating. I’m also going to try to get some extra sleep and drag out the yoga DVD. And remind myself that the scale doesn’t define my worth (ahem) and find new associations for the weight I’m at NOW. AND I’ve also got a couple of other things percolating, but I’ll hit them tomorrow. Otherwise this will get even longer than usual! Ha!
So thanks for all the feedback, guys! It’s helped tremendously!