Yes, that’s me. I’m a SERIOUS crankypants right now. (Isn’t that word just fun to say? Say it out loud: crankypants. Crankypants. Crankypantscrankypantscrankypants. FUN. What? It’s the little things, people.)
Mostly I am a crankypants because my head is not done being weird, but I am tired of WRITING about feeling weird. I’m tired of being self-indulgent and morose. SO tired. SUPER tired, even. All this whining and moping about. GAWD.
But my head is not really done being weird, and that is the part that REALLY sucks. Because I’M DONE, DAMMIT. I SAY SO. *stomps feet loudly*
Aaaaaaaaaanyway. If you haven’t read TokaiAngel’s post yet, go read it. Now. I’ll wait. Back? OK. Please consider this my blog version of saying, “Yeah. What she said.”
My head seems pretty rational right now. The Crazies aren’t screaming, which is always nice. But unfortunately they’re whispering. For cryin’ out loud, people! A little quiet in my head would be FAN-FREAKIN’-TASTIC, ok?
I have been going to the gym a lot, which makes me lose my appetite, which makes it seem TOTALLY NORMAL that I should just not eat. The logic is so easy: don’t eat if I’m not hungry. Makes sense, right? But because of the high exercise quotient these days, I don’t GET hungry. The only times I’m really hungry are Tuesdays and Thursdays, when I don’t really work out much, if at all. But Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays and Saturdays and (sometimes) Sundays? Not. Hungry. Not so good.
I did go back to keeping a Weight Watchers journal. I’m tempted beyond belief to go back to a meeting or two, but the thought of getting on a scale in front of others makes me want to throw up, then cry hysterically. (I wonder if they’d take a doctor’s note saying they weren’t allowed to weigh me?) Actually, I don’t know why I think I want to go back to meetings, anyway. The first time someone proudly proclaims how much HEALTHIER they are now that they eat 3 cups of sugar-free, fat-free processed pudding every night instead of that glass of wine and piece of cheese they used to have, I get exasperated and angry. (Yes, I’m aware of the irony since I currently have a bunch of frozen dinners in my freezer so that I don’t skip meals on M,W,F,S or Sun.)
Aaaaaaaanyway. I’ve got a little notebook and I’ve been tracking Points. I’m better at guesstimating Points than I am at guesstimating calories. Which is to say, if I don’t know how many calories are in something, I guess (usually pretty accurately) and then add 100 or 200 more, “just in case.” Um. Yeah. With Points I only add 1 more, if that, which works out to something like a 50 calorie difference on average. So I get a more accurate reading that way. Whatever.
But I’ve been ok with the little journal. I haven’t been whacked out, so that’s good. I haven’t been undereating, which I tend to do with the little journals. I’ve been fairly strict with myself, but it doesn’t seem to be making me crazy, because I’m not having to show anyone else (like getting on a public scale at WW). The only thing I’m noticing is that I have to be careful to eat on the days I work out. (Though the temptation to skip a meal is GREAT. I keep thinking, “It’s not like I can’t spare the weight,” which is true. But then I remind myself that if I do that I will well and truly fuck my metabolism, and it will be even HARDER to lose weight and keep it off. So I’ve been pretty successful at not skipping meals.)
Anyway. I’m just rambling now. Mostly because I have nothing terribly interesting to say, but am a little afraid that if I don’t hold myself accountable on the blog, that I run a much higher risk of going off the rails. So there ya go.
But seriously. I don’t really want to become a blog where I write about what I ate and didn’t eat and I also don’t want to throw my hand against my forehead and keep writing morose, depressing posts. I’m just kind of tapped and tired and whiny right now.
So, yeah. I’m a crankypants.