So. I went to the Tae Kwon Do class tonight. (Or last night, if you read this in the morning.) They had me wear my 2nd-level belt, even though I’ve been out of classes for 3 years. That made me feel both special and nervous, and a TEENY bit under pressure to do well.
Then they put me in the front row, because that’s where they put ALL the new people, you know. So we can see better. And so we can get more individual help from the instructor. So, yeah.
Then we started class. And I did ok. I wasn’t the best or the worst, and there were things I remembered and things I forgot, but it was ok.
About 15 minutes into class, I started getting a headache. See, my resting temperature is really low, which basically means I overheat really fast, because a room always feels 3-4 degrees hotter to me than it does to everyone else. Good times. Even when I danced a LOT, I never could make it through a 2-hour ballet class. I always crapped out an 1:45, and even then I had a heat headache for an hour or two afterward.
So. I started getting a headache. Did I leave or sit down? No, I did not. Did I scale back my movements to give my body a chance to rest? No, I did not. What did I do? I decided that I was in the FRONT goddamit, and I wasn’t leaving the class, and I was going to DO this because I’m NOT giving up, no matter WHAT, so THERE.
My headache got worse. I started to feel the blood pumping in my temples. That’s always a bad sign. Did I stop? No, I did not. I forged through.
My breathing got short. I started to see blackness around the edges of my vision and those pretty little sparkles that are always a bad sign. DId I stop or slow down? Oh, come on, do you really have to ask??
Suddenly, I realized that I was going to be sick. I bolted from the front row of the class, hit the bathroom door straight-armed, and barfed into the toilet until I wouldn’t have been surprised to see my SHOES come out my mouth. (If I’d been wearing shoes. TKD is done barefoot.)
Then I came out of the bathroom and sat on the little chair right outside. The very nice instructor called over, “Are you all right?” and the whole class responded, “Yes, SIR!” He looked at them and said, “I’m not asking YOU. I’m asking HER. Are you all right?” As I opened my mouth to say, “Yes, fine, thank you,” I realized I was going to be sick AGAIN, so instead of answering the man, I bolted back into the bathroom.
You can die from many things. Embarrassment, unfortunately, does not seem to be among them. All together it took me about 20 minutes to get sick. I think that’s a new personal record for me; I only remember being hot enough to barf one other time, and it took closer to 2 hours (I pushed myself a LEETLE too far in ballet class one day). But I was dancing a lot at that time and was in really good shape. Right now? Not so much.
I had to sit outside for the rest of the class. It was too hot in the studio, and I kept getting the dry heaves. Fortunately my body temperature came back down. I started seeing the black edges of my vision pulsing in time with my blood flow, feeling the headache that wouldn’t quit, going through the migraine-like phase where I couldn’t look at light, all the way back down the list to just a hellacious headache.
So much for my hang-out-in-the-back-and-take-care-of-myself-unobtrusively plan. Crap. And I have ALWAYS been this way. That drama queen thing isn’t something I’m particularly proud of – in fact it irritates the HELL out of me. But I can’t seem to shake it. I probably didn’t get enough attention growing up. (*snort* And if you’d seen my family, you’d know what a lie THAT is – I was ALWAYS getting more than my fair share of attention: usually because I was jumping around hollering, “Watch this! Watch this! Watch this!” Yeah. I was a drama queen even then.)
So. I already gave them my money. I really DON’T want to go back. But I keep thinking that if I always do what I’ve always done, then I’ll always get what I’ve always gotten. And in the past I would bail RIGHT NOW, but I don’t like what I’ve gotten in the past. So I’ll probably go back. I already asked the instructor if I could please stand in the BACK and maybe take half a class if I need to, and he graciously agreed. So I’ll be back on Monday, feeling stupid and embarrassed. But OH, WELL. Nobody ever died from embarrassment. (Right?)