Who, Me? A Drama Queen? AM NOT!

So.  I went to the Tae Kwon Do class tonight.  (Or last night, if you read this in the morning.)  They had me wear my 2nd-level belt, even though I’ve been out of classes for 3 years.  That made me feel both special and nervous, and a TEENY bit under pressure to do well. 

Then they put me in the front row, because that’s where they put ALL the new people, you know.  So we can see better.  And so we can get more individual help from the instructor.  So, yeah.

Then we started class.  And I did ok.  I wasn’t the best or the worst, and there were things I remembered and things I forgot, but it was ok.

About 15 minutes into class, I started getting a headache.  See, my resting temperature is really low, which basically means I overheat really fast, because a room always feels 3-4 degrees hotter to me than it does to everyone else.  Good times.  Even when I danced a LOT, I never could make it through a 2-hour ballet class.  I always crapped out an 1:45, and even then I had a heat headache for an hour or two afterward.

So.  I started getting a headache.  Did I leave or sit down?  No, I did not.  Did I scale back my movements to give my body a chance to rest?  No, I did not.  What did I do?  I decided that I was in the FRONT goddamit, and I wasn’t leaving the class, and I was going to DO this because I’m NOT giving up, no matter WHAT, so THERE. 

My headache got worse.  I started to feel the blood pumping in my temples.  That’s always a bad sign.  Did I stop?  No, I did not.  I forged through.

My breathing got short.  I started to see blackness around the edges of my vision and those pretty little sparkles that are always a bad sign.  DId I stop or slow down?  Oh, come on, do you really have to ask??

Suddenly, I realized that I was going to be sick.  I bolted from the front row of the class, hit the bathroom door straight-armed, and barfed into the toilet until I wouldn’t have been surprised to see my SHOES come out my mouth.  (If I’d been wearing shoes.  TKD is done barefoot.) 

Then I came out of the bathroom and sat on the little chair right outside.  The very nice instructor called over, “Are you all right?” and the whole class responded, “Yes, SIR!”  He looked at them and said, “I’m not asking YOU.  I’m asking HER.  Are you all right?”  As I opened my mouth to say, “Yes, fine, thank you,” I realized I was going to be sick AGAIN, so instead of answering the man, I bolted back into the bathroom.

You can die from many things.  Embarrassment, unfortunately, does not seem to be among them.  All together it took me about 20 minutes to get sick.  I think that’s a new personal record for me; I only remember being hot enough to barf one other time, and it took closer to 2 hours (I pushed myself a LEETLE too far in ballet class one day).  But I was dancing a lot at that time and was in really good shape.  Right now?  Not so much.

I had to sit outside for the rest of the class.  It was too hot in the studio, and I kept getting the dry heaves.  Fortunately my body temperature came back down.  I started seeing the black edges of my vision pulsing in time with my blood flow, feeling the headache that wouldn’t quit, going through the migraine-like phase where I couldn’t look at light, all the way back down the list to just a hellacious headache. 

So much for my hang-out-in-the-back-and-take-care-of-myself-unobtrusively plan.  Crap.  And I have ALWAYS been this way.  That drama queen thing isn’t something I’m particularly proud of – in fact it irritates the HELL out of me.  But I can’t seem to shake it.  I probably didn’t get enough attention growing up.  (*snort* And if you’d seen my family, you’d know what a lie THAT is – I was ALWAYS getting more than my fair share of attention: usually because I was jumping around hollering, “Watch this!  Watch this!  Watch this!”  Yeah.  I was a drama queen even then.) 

So.  I already gave them my money.  I really DON’T want to go back.  But I keep thinking that if I always do what I’ve always done, then I’ll always get what I’ve always gotten.  And in the past I would bail RIGHT NOW, but I don’t like what I’ve gotten in the past.  So I’ll probably go back.  I already asked the instructor if I could please stand in the BACK and maybe take half a class if I need to, and he graciously agreed.  So I’ll be back on Monday, feeling stupid and embarrassed.  But OH, WELL.  Nobody ever died from embarrassment.  (Right?)


12 responses to “Who, Me? A Drama Queen? AM NOT!

  1. My life, what an ordeal! As a life-long fainter, I feel your pain. The humiliation of thirty pairs of eyes peering at you curiously as you peel yourself off the floor. You know what I do in those situations? I go back. Not even to prove a point. I just go back because if I DON’T then I’ll always be the girl who fainted. If I DO go back, in two classes time it would be forgotten by anyone who mattered, soon to be replaced by the girl who did the best throw or the best whatever else I was trying to get a gold star for.

    GO BACK. I know how much you were looking forward to this. The instructor knows the situation now, it can only get better. Promise.

    TA x

  2. wow. Im not a fainter but still have been veryeryclose to dying from embarrassment as a result of my LACK OF COORDINATION skillz.

    from gym class to classes I signed up for (Im a glutton for punishment that way)

    Im with the amazing TA and would just say go back. plan for ONE MORE SHOT. see what you think/what transpires. (write about it for us :)) and then decide.

  3. Darlin’, you have to LISTEN to your body. Start listening when it is quietly saying, “ummm, Marste, maybe we should take easy this first time back..”. Don’t wait until it screams “Bitch why didn’y you listen to me?!?”
    Cause, you know, it is always easier to listen in the begining, than to end up pukin’ your guts out, barefoot in a public restroom. But I’m sure you figured that out already! 😉
    Anyways, go back. Stand in the back. Be nice to your body and go slowly. Bring water. Take water breaks. And even though you are dying of embarassment, the fact that you DID come back should be impressive enough for most of the people there, that you shouldn’t feel too bad.

    And besides, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Right?
    (sorry it was such a notgood experience!)

  4. That sounds not fun at all! Just remember that you might feel like a fool, but I bet everyone else is just thinking
    “Aww, that sucks” and hoping that you are OK. Don’t be too hard on yourself, OK?

    Lola x

  5. Oh, no! But I am proud you’ll be returning.

  6. I have little to say to this except missus, you crazy, please please please for the love of all that’s good and holy, sit your sweet ass down next time you’re hit with a case of the dizzies and don’t wait until you’re forced to revisit breakfast.

    Ah, and there’s no shame in returning, only in hiding.

  7. I am VERY impressed you’re going back. And ditto what Sassy said. If you started getting heatsick in 20 minutes, then you might stop and break at 15–even if that’s not half the class. Stand in the back, get some water, and remember that your body that runs hot is having to re-learn how to cool down faster; something it doesn’t do easily. Also, quickie-farmer-biology: Right now, it’s gearing up to keep you warm for the winter (even if it’s not terribly cold right now. >.>) so you have to give yourself some extra time to learn that that’s not necessary.

    I went riding yesterday with Elin, and her horse nearly overheated. He’s got his winter coat in, see, but even so she kept saying, “Even woolly, he doesn’t normally overheat!” But because of the time of year, his body is gearing up to keep him warm. Combine a body trying to stay warmer with a sudden need to cool down extra–and the last few days have been toasty–and you end up with heat exhaustion.

    So, give your awesome body that’s trying to do the right thing a break. Remember it’s geared toward winter, not TDK, and will need some extra time to gear toward hard-work-with-heat instead.

    And YAY for going back! *hugs!*


  8. Oh, Marste, you have to go back. For the reason that ta mentioned: you don’t want to forever be remembered in a vague way as “that girl who threw up”. Going sends a signal to you (and others) that you show up!

    And showing up is the big thing.

  9. Aw geez, TA, I didn’t even THINK about becoming “that girl who barfed in class that one time!” You’re right. I HAVE to go back. It would be more embarrassing NOT to. *sigh*

    Miz, I shall totally write about it. Monday is the next class. (Does it make me a wuss if I’m totally dreading it?)

    Sassy, do you live in my head? Because that’s pretty much how my brain always sounds: “All right, bitch, you don’t want to listen? FINE. WATCH THIS.” Um, yeah. We have a contentious relationship sometimes, my body and me. *wince* And I’m glad someone else caught the whole barefoot-in-a-public-bathroom thing. I can’t tell you how hard I scrubbed my feet when I got home!

    Lola, I guess that’s true. We always imagine that people are judging us as harshly as we judge ourselves, when in reality no one ever does. But it’s easy to forget that sometimes.

    Emily, I have to go back. Partly to change the old habit, but partly because I can’t be “that girl . . . ” Oh, lord, no.

    I know Cara, I know. Although I did get a kick out of the phrase “revisit breakfast.” 😀

    JB, leave it to you to know weird farmer shit. That figures. 😉 But it makes sense, too. Mostly I just have to remember that my pride might not be as important as oh, I don’t know, NOT BARFING. Geez.

    Deb, exactly. And even aside from TA’s point, I would have to go back, just to prove to myself that I am GOING to do things differently from now on. No matter what happens, I will not repeat old patterns (like being a drama queen and then hiding).

  10. One more thing. Thank you all so much. It means a lot to me to have people show up and say, “Hey, we get it, it sucks – now get back on the horse.” Sympathy combined with a little bit of ass-kicking: who knew it would work so well? (MUCH better than either one without the other! :D)

  11. “Nobody ever died of embarrassment. (right?)”

    Most of just wish we had…..of course, it would have meant a much shorter life-span for 99% of us!

    I’m glad to hear you are going back. Show them you’re not just the girl who tossed her cookies.

    Have you ever mentioned this ‘over-heating’ problem to your doctor? Oh, wait – you’re too young to be menopausal, aren’t you? My mistake…..thinking everyone is experiencing the same things I am! 🙂

  12. Pingback: Quick Hit « Take Up Your Bed and Walk

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