Ummmmm . . .

The funny thing about not writing for a while is that when I start again for a few days after, I’m not sure what to write about.  It’s like all those ideas and emotions, without anyplace to go, just spiral back down on themselves into my psyche and burrow in.  And then it’s hard to find them again.  I know they’re in there – they just aren’t coming out into the light.

::::whispers::::  I’m in week 2 of the Hundred Pushup challenge.  I’m whispering because I find that when I talk about things too early, they sort of deflate like a souffle, and I don’t do them after all.  ::::end whispering::::  But I’m in the second week and I did 11 in a row tonight!  Am I supposed to be able to touch my nose to the floor?  Because I can’t.  At all.  But I can do 11 a little lower than I could do 5 last week.  And if I count up how many I did TOTAL tonight – I did 28!  Wow!  That’s pretty awesome!  😀  At  the end of the week you’re supposed to do as many as you can and then base your next 2 weeks off that number.  When I looked at week 3 I realized that the category with the fewest pushups started at 16, and I freaked out!  Oh, no!  What if I can only do 11?  And then I realized that I could go back to the first week, pick the column that has 11 pushups in it and do that column for the next two weeks.  It’ll add a couple of weeks to the program, but it’s a nice way around my inner perfectionist.  🙂

I need to start exercising again, too.  (Other than pushups, I mean.)  It’s too hot to run in the park right now, and soon it will start getting dark earlier.  I don’t run in the park in the dark because there are NO LIGHTS in that park.  And even though it’s a super-safe neighborhood, I don’t feel like tempting fate (or running into trees, because seriously: NO LIGHTS).  I have some Turbo-Jam DVDs that I LOVE, but right now I live in a 2nd-floor apartment with hardwood floors all the way around, so jumping up and down?  Is OUT.  I don’t want to have to put rugs down – I like my wood floors.  So I’m thinking I need to start lifting weights.  I have limited space, so I’m thinking 2 or 3 sets of dumbells/free weights.  Space is limited, so I don’t think I can store more than 3 sets.  Any ideas?  (Miz, you KNOW I’m looking at you, right?  LOL)  I’ve got to get on the internet and run down an effective weight workout I can do instead of cardio for the moment.  I know it would be better to do cardio too, but I’m all about the babysteps right now, and I know that if I can do something for 20 minutes in my living room while watching Law & Order, I’m more likely to do it.  That’s not always where my head is at, but it’s where I’m at now.

What else can I write about?

I was reading some stuff in the Fatosphere today and I had to laugh.  Sometimes I feel like I don’t quite fit anywhere.  I believe more FA stuff than mainstream society, but I’m not always as emphatic about it as many people who are really involved in it.  Hm.  I’m not sure my brain is capable of going into detail about it now.  Suffice it to say that it feels weird to agree with so much stuff and then at the same time feel like I don’t feel healthy at the weight I’m at now.  And I do know from previous experience that if I eat better, I’ll drop some weight.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ll never be a size 2, but I’ll get a little smaller.  Is it dieting if healthy behaviors lead to weight loss?  What if the only reason I’m eating healthier is because I want to lose weight?  (And by “healthier” I really DO mean eat healthier – not eat LESS, which is a whole different thing.)  I don’t know.  Living in paradox is weird.  LOL

Aaaaaanyway.  My brain is fried.  I’m going to watch 10 minutes of Law & Order, and then I’m going to bed.  I might read for a while. 



6 responses to “Ummmmm . . .

  1. is it dieting if healthy behaviors lead to weight loss?

    I have struggled with this question for ages! I have no idea of the answer either :0( I feel a bit lost in the world of diet blogs too – I’m sort of anti-dieting but at the same time I always want to lose weight. It’s a bit like limbo!

    Have you thought about doing pilates or yoga in your flat at all? I’m still a bit suspicious of yoga, but I’m a pilates convert! It’s not just good for toning and core strength but it makes you feel so upright and pulled-in that I think it’s generally really cool for feeling more positive about your body.

    TA x

  2. TA, the funny thing is that I know even the FA folks would say that if weight loss is incidental, then it’s not dieting. But what if my only motivation to eat healthier is to be thinner? The behaviors are the same, but the motivation is different. Does that change everything?

    I dunno.

    Oh, I LOVE both yoga and pilates. I could get my Pilates book out, I suppose. The thing is, most of my Pilates and yoga stuff are on DVDs, and right now I can handle the thought of doing a DVD. I’m a teeny bit depressed (not a lot), and the thought of Putting In a DVD and Exercising seems overwhelming, you know? I was thinking if I could do weights or something, I could do it like that pushup challenge: “Ok, just do 10. Yay! You did 10! Now go get some water and check your email for a couple of minutes. Time’s up! Now do 10 more!” If I break it up like that it seems less overwhelming, but yoga doesn’t work that way at ALL. I might be able to do that with Pilates, though. Hmmm.

    Also, if you’re not a yoga convert, go buy “Yoga Burn” with Rodney Yee. It’s really slow yoga, and he repeats each movement three times. The end result is that it’s actually a pretty intense workout (because all the hard movements are slower, too), but mentally I always feel more peaceful afterward. It’s 50 minutes long, but sometimes instead of doing the whole thing I’ll just do half (the 1st half is more strengthening and the last half is more stretching). It is seriously FANTASTIC, though. I stopped running for a couple of months and just did that DVD, and when I started running again, I was FASTER. Even though I hadn’t BEEN running. And it was a lot: I was faster by about 2 minutes/mile.

    But in all honesty, that’s the only yoga DVD I’ve found that I really liked that much. (Although the stretching and relaxing ones are good – just not so much of a workout.)

  3. I’ve heard so much about Rodney Yee, I’m definitely going to check him out!

    I completely see your point about the whole long DVD thing being a bit “meh”. In which case weights = yay! You can do strength moves too though in bits and bats that way…. mountain climbers (then go make a drink) body weight squats (then do the washing up) push ups, sit ups, lunges, crunches, etc. That’s what I’m gonna do in Italy I think, because its so manageable. And yeah I reckon pilates moves would totally work as a bit-here-and-there as long as you make sure you’re loose musclewise so you don’t hurt yourself (well I guess that goes for everything actually).

    I often find that once I START moving I get into it as well. It’s hard to motivate myself to start though, especially when I don’t have the Habit (aka obsession) in place of going to the gym every day. I tried to do a fitness DVD yesterday on the spur of the moment but I turned it off after ten minutes!! And this is me, the exercise nut. It was just because it wasn’t part of my normal routine, I think.

    Hope you’re OK, chin up! (God I am so British sometimes)

    TA x

  4. hey there fried brain!

    ok, in yer honor (and in answer to a buncha emails —just so you dont feel too too pressured to try :)) Im filing tomorrows face time and it’s gonna be PUSH UPS but a new TWIST on em.

    and weights?


    chest press/flye
    tricep kickbacks
    dumbbell row (back)
    bicep curls
    lateral raises (shoulders)

    basic workout.

    but will work (out).


  5. Just eat healthy and exercise and dont think about the weight aspect. Thats my advice. If you start doing it to lose weight then your whole perspective changes. I find that I have those feelings of wanting to lose weight too but deep down I kinda know that it will never happen in the way I want it too.

  6. TA, I know exactly what you mean about habits. I find that STARTING something can often be much harder than continuing it. Once I’ve got it on my calendar, I don’t really think about it anymore – it’s just part of my day.

    Miz! I LOVE YOU! Thanks! 😀

    Dan, this is a horrible thing to admit to, but I’m FAR less likely to make positive changes in my life for my health than I am for vanity. (I’m a little embarrassed – ok, a LOT embarrassed – to admit that, but there it is.) The bottom line is that if I’m not trying to lose weight, then I’m really not motivated to drink less, eat less sugar, get some exercise, etc. There’s gotta be a middle ground – I just haven’t found mine, yet.

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