Paradigm shifts

So you know what’s weird?  The fact that I have had some serious writer’s block since I got so many new visitors.  Seriously.  Nothing seems good enough to say suddenly, now that I know people out there are actually reading this, LOL. 

I had an idea that this would happen, because MizFit asked if she could link over here before she actually did, and I had a moment of panic when I thought about it.  Then I thought about it some more and decided I was being a dork, and that maybe possibly this should be something I should deal with – “this” being the overwhelming need to have EVERYONE like me ALL THE TIME.  Because you know, the more people who visit here, the more likely someone won’t like it (me), and well, you know, I CAN’T HAVE THAT, RIGHT?? 

Lordy.

The funny thing is, that people-pleaser part of me is only half the story.  The other half of me is a, “You don’t like what I have to say?  Kiss my ass” sort of person.  So it’s a little weird to have those two dynamics coexisting in my head.  I’m not sure how that works, actually, but there it is.

So mostly this is kind of a filler post, where I remind myself that I don’t have to actually be all profound and entertaining and educational and whatever other pompous adjectives I can think of.  It’s still my journal.  And the whole, “What if people don’t like me?  I should CHANGE! BE DIFFERENT! PLEASE EVERYONE!” panic is just freakin’ ridiculous.

Did I mention that’s easier said than done sometimes, though?  😛

Oh, I did want to say that in the comments to the Intuitive Eating post, there seemed to be an overarching theme of not being able to trust yourself around eating whatever you want.  And honestly, that was the hardest, scariest thing for me to deal with, but this post helped a LOT.  Mostly because that “Kiss my ass if you don’t like it” part of me does really well with the idea that “You-are-not-the-boss-of-me.”  (That was actually the old title for this blog in Blogger.  LOL)  So the part in there where the author writes this:

I mean, think about it for two seconds. People are selling plans that allow you to “eat what you want,” to the tune of billions. That’s lunacy. Because I love you, I shall offer you the Kate Harding Lifetime Diet Plan — which permits you to eat whatever you want — absolutely free! It goes like this:

DAY 1:

Eat whatever you want. It’s your body. You’re allowed.

DAY 2 THROUGH DEATH:

Repeat Day 1.

That part about “It’s your body.  You’re allowed” was fucking REVOLUTIONARY for me.  It was sort of one of those “Duh” moments like, “Well, DUH, who ELSE do I have to answer to?  The people who tell me what I’m ‘supposed’ to eat/weight/aspire to/think?  THEY ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!”  *grin*  See how that “Boss-of-me” thing works?  Sometimes it’s handy.

So I really, really, REALLY recommend going and reading that post (and if you have time, the comments, but there are a LOT of them, just fyi). 

And for what it’s worth, when I started making an effort to really listen to my body, and to give it what it wanted (even if that was sugar or chips or whatever), I found that after about a week or 10 days my binges stopped and that most of the time I really didn’t want the junk food, anyway.  I was just eating it because it was there, or because I was in a situation where I had “permission” or because . . . hell I don’t know.  Maybe I was afraid of a national frosting shortage (because frosting is the whole POINT of cake, you know).

Aaaaaaanyway.  I think I have my mental space back from the “Please everyone” monster, now.  So that’s good.  🙂

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12 responses to “Paradigm shifts

  1. That long time without posts on my blog—due 2 the same, wanting to write smthg interesting for others-until I realized this is a place for you to express yourself, even if no one’s reading, so just be yourself and speak your truth about whatever you please- blogging’s much easier now…
    second point dude, you and i are the same age: by now we oughto know who we r, how good we r, and what others think should not b all that relevant-i now refuse 2 spend time worrying about what others might think of me cause i know i am satisfied with who I am-would b too ignorant of me and of my own self to do otherwise.
    K.
    til-i-reach.com

  2. Hi, I am one of those who found you from MizFit. The funny thing is, I rarely read MizFit (I have no idea HOW I’ve missed her for so long…she’s now in my Fav’s list) but found her today from her comment on one of my regular blogs, and then found you. I really like what you have to say, and even your filler post was interesting. That’s what’s so great about blogging, IMO. The day in and day out thoughts of people who share your neuroses are comforting–regardless of how inane or profound they are. Where else can you share your crazy without watching someone’s eyes glaze over?

    You’re in my Fav’s list too now, btw. Hope you enjoy your Sunday.

  3. LOL, K., swear to God we go through the same crap at the same time. What’s THAT about? 😉

    Hi Laura! Yeah, that bit about “sharing your crazy” – that’s really it, isn’t it? And as much as I love the blogs that make me really THINK, I also like the ones that seem a little more . . . I dunno. Accessible, maybe? So maybe that’s my niche: less important, more accessible. Ha! (I might need to make that my tag line for a while. Hee!)
    (And thanks for the add!)

  4. Marste,

    As a writer, just show up at the page and the rest will happen. We want to think too much beforehand, which is all fine and well, but often the best we can do is simply show up and write.

    Remarkably, some of the best posts happen this way.

    And thank goodness someone else recognizes that the whole reason for cake is for the frosting! (bread is for the butter… baked potato is for the sour cream… I could go on…)

  5. I really enjoy your posts. I think that you should bare in mind that for every person that doesn’t like your posts you will probably have 20 that do.

  6. Pingback: Blog Carthartic « Perfectly Cooked Meal

  7. Deb, that’s what I keep telling myself. But sometimes it’s easier said than done, you know? (And don’t forget: french fries are for the salt! LOL)

    Thanks, Dan. It took me a couple of days to stop worrying about it. 😛

  8. Hmmm, glad to know I’m not the only one with writer’s block :p

  9. (*giggle*)

    I can totally see the writers block thing.
    performance anxiety 🙂

    we love ya no matter what.

    Miz.

  10. You mean I am the boss of me? whhheeeee!
    I hear ya on the writer’s block thing – been there.
    mmmm…french fries…

  11. Thattallgirl: Not even close to being the only one. Which is actually kind of nice to know, don’t you think?

    Miz: Dude! SERIOUS performance anxiety! That was really weird.

    LOL, Missicat, that was kind of how *I* felt: “Wait, you mean . . . I’m a grown up? And allowed to make my own decisions? Who knew?!

  12. Pingback: The Blog Carthartic « Food Chains

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