Ok, so back in January, I made a list of new habits that I was going to develop over the coming year. The first 4 were:
Spend 15 minutes a day writing/blogging, including 3 things every day that I’ve accomplished and/or am proud of
Spend 15 minutes a day submitting to casting websites
Plan and pack my meals and snacks for work the night before (so I’m not running around like a lunatic at 6:30am, trying to find something to eat for lunch).
Go to bed every night by 9:30.
I got the writing and the submitting down pretty well, and I actually have been doing ok at the 3 things a day (although I haven’t been writing them here, so that’s not so great – this is supposed to be my place to keep track of that stuff). And MOST of the time I remember to fix food for work tomorrow. But that 9:30 bedtime – my GOD. I get busy cleaning or writing or reading or just watching TV (ok, mostly watching TV), and suddenly I look up and it’s 9:30. By the time I wash my face and brush my teeth, and then read for a while to shut my brain off, it’s 10:00 or 10:30 (or if the book is really good, 11:00 – let’s be honest here).
I know that the aversion to going to bed at a decent hour is entirely an issue of self-sabotage. (The hows and whys are more than I feel like going into right now, but take my word for it: I’ve dealt with this behavior for a long time, and it’s definitely self-sabotage.) And a big part of it is that when I turn on the TV at night, my psyche doesn’t really have a chance to rest at all. The noise agitates me on some level that I’m not even really conscious of until it’s time to go to bed, and I realize that even though I haven’t been doing anything but watching TV, I feel like I need to wind down. That’s why I go to bed and read.
So. In the interest of getting past this mental/emotional block, I’ve declared a moratorium on weeknight TV. Since I work M-F, for me that means I won’t watch TV Sunday-Thursday nights – in other words, all the nights I have to get up and go to work the next morning. I didn’t watch last night or tonight, and I have to admit that I actually kind of like the quiet in the house. This morning I got up at 6:00 instead of 6:30, and I didn’t feel ridiculously tired, which was nice. I even fixed my hair beyond just putting it up in a roll. And tonight, I’ve had dinner, dropped my shoes off at the cobbler’s to be fixed, talked to my mom, ordered some new shoes online (which I REALLY needed – my other ones are threatening imminent death) as well as a couple of cookbooks I’ve been eyeing in the store (but can’t bring myself to pay full price for). It’s only 8:00, and I’ll probably go to bed soon. I’ll have a chance to lay in bed and read (which I LOVE) and I’ll turn out my light by 9:00.
And here’s the great part: when I go to bed early and read, after an hour or so, I really am tired, even if it’s early. Reading in bed is my brain’s signal that hey, we’re getting sleeeeeeeeeeeeepyyyyyyyyyyy. So when I turn my light out at 9:30, I’m actually asleep before 10:00. And THAT means more sleep, which eventually means I will catch up on my sleep and start getting up earlier, and *THAT* means I might actually get to a point where I can exercise in the morning – even if it’s just some yoga or something simple.
I’m trying to nail down this last habit by the 15th, so that I can move on to the next ones (which include getting up at 5:00am). So yeah, I gotta get this resolved.
Wish me luck. 😀
Recognizing how I sabotage myself
Resolving to change the sabotage pattern
Remembering that for me, weight is emotional – not physical