99.44% Healthy

Remember those Ivory commercials? ::::sings:::: “Gotta be ninety-nine point FORTY-four! Got a clean as real as Ivory . . . “ Yeah, I watched WAY too much TV growing up.

Anyway, I’m not dead, and I don’t even wish that I were, anymore. Since everyone and their mother apparently knows what it was at this point, I might as well post it here: I had an anal fissure. And god-DAMN, that hurt! Someone told me that the feeling is very similar to severe hemmorhoids, so all you mommies know what that’s like. And what it’s NOT like, is fun. Nothing at all like fun. Ick.

Anyway, I went to the acupuncturist and she gave me some stuff to take and basically said, “Go home, lie down and don’t eat solid foods for a while. And when you do start eating, eat lots of steamed veggies, but not a lot of anything else.” So that’s what I did. And lo and behold, no surgery and I feel lots better! Whew! I’m not a fan of getting cut open, if I can avoid it. 😛 Unfortunately, I developed some skin tags (which I guess is pretty common with this), and those WILL have to get cut off surgically. Damn. I almost dodged that bullet. But it won’t be any big deal.

I saw a “regular” doctor last week, and he was pretty shocked that the fissure had healed itself, which was kind of funny. It always cracks me up when allopathic doctors are surprised that something else works, too. ::::shakes head:::: Ah, well. It’s not TOTALLY healed, so he gave me some nitroglycerin to apply topically and said to come back in 2 months: 6 weeks of nitro, 2 weeks to get it out of my system, and then we’ll talk about surgery. But he was pretty amazed that it had healed at all. He said he could actually tell how deep it had been, and said that if he’d seen me first, he would’ve put me into surgery post-haste. As it was, he ended up taking my acupuncturist’s card to refer other patients! Ha!

So that’s the upshot. I went back to work yesterday, and although I’m a little tender after sitting on my butt for the last two days (office jobs will do that), I’m ok. I just go home and lay down and watch TV all night. I never thought I’d be able to rationalize laziness as good for me! LOL

I also have a whole list of dietary restrictions now, too. I lived on broth and juice for about 3 weeks and lost almost 20 pounds when it was all said and done, so now I’m trying to keep the weight off! The fact that my diet is SEVERELY limited from here on out will help with that, I’m sure! I can’t eat any more dairy (although I did get some leeway for cream in my morning coffee, after I begged and pleaded!) – in fact, it was probably when I started eating more nonfat dairy that the fissure started developing. I’d actually been told by a few holistic doctors that I needed to lay off the dairy, but I didn’t have the motivation to do it. Boy do I have the motivation now, though! LOL I’m also severely restricted on grains. No bread, no sugar, all that kind of stuff. Oatmeal is ok, and the occasional piece of bread (VERY occasional), but as a rule it’s all out. So I’ll be eating a lot of veggies and fruit, with a little chicken and fish. (The holistic doctor said, “You’re looking at 80% fruits and veggies, maybe steamed with some olive oil, about 15% chicken or fish and 5% for everything else.”)

But I’m actually glad for all this: I lost some weight and actually have the motivation to take care of myself, which means I’ll keep it off. Plus, not only will I be skinnier, I’ll be healthier. And since I spent the last few weeks on broth and juice, most of my cravings have been cleared out of my system, which is VERY cool. I basically detoxed my system because I was trying to get well. Nice. 🙂

Monday I start a permanent, part-time position at Disney. Woo-hoo! I work 9-3, M-F, but I can adjust my hours for auditions if I need to, which is very cool. Plus, I get a park pass! I’m stoked on that!! My sister and I have been buying season tickets every year, but this way I can get us both in for free! Hee! ::::happy dance, happy dance:::: There are a few dates we can’t go, but not many, so YAY!!! I LOVE Disneyland!

And in other news, I had signed up for an online dating service last year. I went on a few dates with a few people, but nothing really worked out, and I pretty much stopped looking. I kept the account active because it was free and I liked hanging out in the forums, but I wasn’t really looking anymore. And then I started talking to this guy who also posted a lot in the forums. I knew he was smart and well-written just from reading what he had to say on various subjects, but I never really bothered contacting him, because he lives in Virginia. But it finally happened that we got to talking one day, and just really got along well. We were writing these crazy long emails every night, and when we started talking on the phone, it was just as ridiculous: we’re on the phone for 2 and 3 hours at a time. So, the long and short of it is that he’s coming out here next Wednesday for 10 days. I’m really excited – I figure the worst thing that can happen is that it won’t work out romantically (can’t make the distance work, lack of chemistry, whatever), and I’ll end up with a really close friend. Obviously, I hope we hit it off, but even if we don’t, I figure any scenario where the worst thing that happens is that I make a new friend must be a pretty damn good one.

So yay. 🙂

Aaaaanyway, that’s life for the last month or so. I’ll try and start posting regularly again, now that I’m back from the land of “I-wish-I-was-dead.”

And I’ll be around to everyone’s blogs to catch up and say hello!

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5 responses to “99.44% Healthy

  1. Oh, how horrible. I’m glad to hear you’re doing better, and glad you’re back too.

  2. Alright, so you realize it WAS NOT the “stimulating your chi” part but the, um, you know, changing what was traveling through the affected area part that gave the, er, malady the ability to heal! Girl, I gave you my fiber speech!

    Jeez louise I’m just glad you’re better! That’s one mad world of PAIN! And you’ve altered your eating and come out healthier!
    Tra-la!

  3. I wondered where you were.

    Ouch!

    I’m glad you’re better.

    Have you tried almond milk? I started out with vanilla and worked down to plain.

    Now I love it and I hate cow’s milk.

  4. Just a lurker enquiring after you. Hope all is alright 🙂

  5. I am so glad you are feeling better!!! I have had something similar happen to me in the past so I know how uncomfortable you must have been, and how awful it feels not to be able to eat knowing …well that you dont want the reprocussions (poo) arg, thats awful! And at this time of year- I cant imagine. I hope that its completely healed- Ill keep good thoughts for you!

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